"...you are right when you say that opinions mean little..."
Siddhartha to Gotama
Siddhartha, Herman Hesse
After spending a lot of time trying to find an HTML version of the special character list in my trusty HTML 4.0 "at a glance" reference book, I finally bit the bullet and HTML-ized it myself. It took hours and hours, but the advantage of it is that it gives you a chance to see what the end result is. Hopefully, others will find it hopeful as well. And if they don't ... at least I will!
I am in the process of re-reading Herman Hesse's Siddhartha, and I am planning to use quotations from there as the fodder for this week's journal entries. It's interesting; I read it in high school, but can't remember much of it at all. For example, I didn't recall how central the concept of eliminating the self was to the life of an ascetic.
What occurs to me now is how alien that concept is to the modern Western culture. Man's great quest these days seems to consist of finding the self, defining the self, celebrating the self. I wonder why the diametric opposition in how one views one's place in society and in the universe.
These are, of course, questions that I could probably spend decades researching and thinking about. But another reality of modern Western culture is that there's no time to think about anything beyond those immediate necessities of life. When I was a child, I remember hours spent just sitting and thinking. Now, were I to carve out a few minutes to think (usually about something specific), I'd feel guilty if I wasn't doing something else concurrently.
But I digress...today's topic was to be the subject of others' opinions and what power/effect they have over us.
I used to think that I didn't care about anyone else's opinion. But I realize now that I do. For example, it matters to me that you've found this site interesting enough to read this. It matters to me that you find the site well-organized, navigable, and visually pleasing if you're visually oriented. I designed it by myself and for myself, but in the end, what good is it no one comes to share it?
But when it comes to what I feel or what I believe, others' opinions are really irrelevant. I can tell the difference between right and wrong, and I really don't need you to tell me which is which. I know what I like and what I loathe and others' opinions about either aren't going to change mine.
And so, I guess the power of others' opinions are relative, depending upon who is issuing the opinion, and what they're opining upon. Not very profound, but there it is.
"The days and nights were short, every hour passed quickly like a sail on the sea, beneath the sail of a ship of treasures, full of joy."
Siddhartha, Herman Hesse
Now that we've been beaten about the head and shoulders by political candidates for the past year or so, the day has arrived and those of us who give a rat's ass have voted. And personally, I don't view what I did very early this morning as a choice so much as an attempt to avert catastrophe. I don't feel as if I really had any substantive choice.
What this country needs is another three or four political parties, some way of providing more options than the pathetic ones we've been left with for the past four or five elections. I guess you could say I was jaded ... but not jaded enough to skip voting, although the powers that be probably couldn't have done much more to make voting a pain in the ass. Why people don't vote is no mystery to me. That they do is a constant source of amazement.
I selected today's quote from Siddhartha because it flowed out of what I wrote yesterday about not having the luxury of taking time to think for thinking's sake. I am feeling particularly pressed today, since I seem to be running out of day without having gotten to the goals I set for myself today. It's been dreary much of the day, downright murky, actually, and about a half an hour ago, the clouds suddenly disappeared to the east. The sky cleared and it would probably be a great night to so some stargazing — that is if I had time!
I added some links to the Recommended page today. Nothing fancy, but there's lots more to add as time allows. I think that this site is coming along nicely; all I need is a little more time to flesh out the other parts of it. I do have some fiction to clean up and post, and I can find some of my other non-fiction stuff as well. Hell, I may even be able to dredge up some poetry!
"His real self wandered elsewhere, far away, wandered on and on invisibly and had nothing to do with his life."
Siddhartha, Herman Hesse
Sometimes, that's just how I feel, as if the life I'm leading has absolutely nothing to do with my true self. My true self, I'm quite sure, is no bureaucrat. Rather, I see my true self doing something of a creative nature.
But like Siddhartha, I've turned to business to acquire the wherewithall to indulge my creative nature and fulfill the requirements of daily existence. And like Siddhartha, I find I can't take much of it very seriously. It's a game, nothing more.
And speaking of games ... all of this froth and noise over the elections amuses me. When all is said and done, life will go on. Some things may change, but most won't. If enough people become displeased with or object to the direction in which we're headed, we'll change it. But for good or ill, we've done our deciding and will need to live with it for the next four years.
Like most people, I really don't feel as if national politics has much of a direct impact upon my daily life. Now State politics ... that's a completely different story. I remember "life during the purges," right after Pataki was elected. We all watched our colleagues being axed and wondered if we'd be the next victims.
Of course, I was in a far different position than most of the purged. I had skills and experience in a discipline that was much in demand, and could probably have bettered my standard of living significantly by migrating to the private sector. Believing that my ouster was inevitable, I took a position in a local biomed startup, at a substantial increase in salary.
I lasted a scant three months. The increase in salary was substantial, but I couldn't stand the boredom. I pleaded for more work, which only elicited concerns for my mental balance, and I finally quit and came back to the uncertainty that was State government in those days. And I've never regretted that decision, although I do, at times, become frustrated with the bureaucratic tangle and some of the political nonsensicality that I'm forced to deal with.
Upon reflection, I have to concede that for the most part, I like my job. I like the challenges, I like the people with whom I work, and I like the fact that no two days are ever the same. As a bonus, I'm given the opportunity to exercise my creativity upon occasion. And they even give me a paycheck! What more could I ask??
NO ENTRY
"He saw them toiling, saw them suffer and grow gray about things that to him did not seem worth the price - for money, small pleasures and trivial honors."
Siddhartha, Herman Hesse
Who says that the Internet is only a virtual reality? After having missed making yesterday's entry, I'd say it's pretty much like the real world ... I always had trouble making my manual journal entries on a regular basis, too.
Well, if anyone out there is reading this, I beg your indulgence. I've been working very hard; in fact, I've pulled 12+ hour shifts for the past 3 days. There's one line in a Rumi poem that goes "Having nothing produces provisions." and I guess that's true. I needed some examples of how to produce accessible web pages and I was asked to assist with a presentation next week. I had some ideas and after all, who needs sleep? You can see the results in Technology.
And what else was I going to do — go home and listen to two grown men whine about what isn't going their way?? Sorry, but I've got better things to do with my time. I'm becoming very fatalistic as I age, and worrying and wondering about who will end up being president is a huge waste of time and energy. What has been done has been done and the universe will decide how it will play out.
You know, Al Green ought to be bottled. Any time I need energy or inspiration, all I need to do is let some of his tunes kick me around a little and the grey matter starts working overtime. Not to mention the hips ...
Tomorrow is Veteran's Day. Juxtapose life during wartime (picture the beach scene from "Saving Private Ryan") with what those wimps running for president are putting us through and maybe you'll see why I can't get really whipped up about it. My father ws a veteran, and told me quite a few stories about being in Germany after the war. I was young, but I remember thinking that maybe everybody's life wasn't the same Pollyanna picture that I was enjoying. I believe that's where I started developing compassion for people who weren't quite as well off as I was and where I started losing patience with complacency.
Enough! It's too late in the evening for anything so pretentious! It's time for me to go home. I still have a few things to finish up for next week, and hopefully, I'll have some time to add a few new goodies to the site this week. Hope you take some time to thank a veteran tomorrow.
I am a lonely painter.
I live in a box of paints.
I'm frightened by the devil
And I'm drawn to those ones that ain't afraid."A Case of You" - Joni Mitchell
I was raking leaves this afternoon during a respite in the rain, and I couldn't get this verse out of my mind. It made me think about how odd it is that we crave the opposite of what we are. I've been thinking a lot lately about interpersonal dynamics and the fluid nature of power in relationships. (Must be all the non-alcoholic been I've been drinking.)
Why do opposites attract? After all, we'd make it much easier on ourselves if we sought out those of like mind. And if we, by inference, become what we admire, why do we seek out those with qualities which, again by inference, we don't admire? What does that say about us?
Without going into pruient detail, I've seen something similar regarding the control dynamic. We've all known people who we consider controlling. Perhaps we've thought about it as other things ... they're "domineering," they're "bossy," they "want things their own way." Yet it's just these people who often seem to become submissive in relationships, relinquishing their own control to another to varying degrees.
Perhaps it's another example of the theory of opposite attraction, but on an internal rather than an external level. Maybe these people expend so much energy maintaining external control that relinquishing internal control to another within the framework of a relationship is actually a relief.
We all have ideals in our heads about what sorts of relationships we want for ourselves. I can't speak for anyone else, obviously, but I've discovered that for myself, I never seem to find my ideal. Maybe it's because what I want is anachronistic to how I live my life. Or maybe how I live my life is a result of not finding what I need in a relationship. I do know that I feel like an island most of the time, whether I'm in a relationship or not.
It's the old chicken and egg conundrum all over again. Who I am governs what I attract and what I attract governs who I am. And don't ask me why, but my initial reaction to this is to wonder how valid the premise of creative visualization is. The theory is: if you visualize what you want (or conversely, what you fear), it will manifest for you.
I don't know about you, but it seems to me that I'm usually too busy reacting to life to have any time for being proactive about directing it. And if I was to envision a life for myself, this sure as hell wouldn't be it!
